Okay after that last post I feel like I need to say that thing's have improved. But not enough. I am dropping out of university. I'm done here and I know it, so I can't justify spending another 2 years of my life trying to qualify to do a job that I won't want to do. To be a teacher you need to have the passion and drive to do your best every single day, and I don't think I have that drive anymore. I know I don't. Since I was in primary school myself I've wanted to teach, but it doesn't come naturally to me and if there's a way to get out of it I will. That's no way to do it. Don't get me wrong, I've had placement lessons where I've done well, really well and the kids got it. But I didn't feel the joy that I thought I would.
Ever since I applied to university I've wondered if it was the right thing. I tried to get out of it the day I got accepted but my dad just wouldn't let me explain. Since that day I think there's always been a part of me trying to escape from here. Everyone was so excited to come back after the summer but I dreaded it, the cheerful countdown for everyone else was the funeral march for me. I just wanted to stay at home forever, not go on placements, not do the assignments. So now that's what I'm doing. I'm applying for jobs, some of them are teaching assistant posts actually. I've got nothing against children or schools, I just don't want to be an actual teacher. Deep down I always knew this wasn't the right path for me to take and now I'm doing something about it. My parents are behind me now, backing me up. One family member has been absolutely amazing and I can't even thank her enough for what she's been saying to me.
So that's it. On the 31st October 2014 I will officially withdraw from my university course. And I do think it will make me so much happier. It's going to be hard saying goodbye to some people from here, I'll stay in touch with some but it's obvious that I'll never see others again. That's the hardest part I think. There's someone who I always thought something might happen with, but obviously now it won't. It's a shame because I did want it to but it's not worth being unhappy for.