Tuesday, 16 September 2014

Life Update

Since this time last year my life has changed so much. I wrote a post about all of the things I'd gone out and got for my university halls room about 13 months ago now, and in 4 days I'll be moving into my second year house. It's crazy how quickly that first year has gone, I've had 3 teaching placements, 5 assignments, 1 flatmate leave and another come in, 1 boyfriend and numerous nights spent crying my room over all of the above. Nobody tells you how hard university really is if you're not a party goer. If you don't go out or drink at least some of the time then you really do start to feel lonely. I'll be honest, I thought I'd be happy to leave home, I was ready to be on my own, I didn't plan any of my weekends home or holidays. But within the first week I knew that I was wrong. So wrong. I hated it from day one. I spent a lot of time crying and facetiming my parents, wishing I could just stroke my dog or just lie on my bed. Don't expect me to say that I'm okay now and that I stopped feeling so down after a few months...nope. Didn't happen. The only thing I can say is that I won't be crying so much this year, I hope not anyway. 

The course itself wasn't too bad, don't get me wrong the placements were hell, for the most part. Well actually the last one was terrible, I hated all of it except for the bus journey there and back, so I think that one probably just tainted my memory of the first two. They were nice, a nice school, a nice partner, nice teachers, nice children! Enough of placements anyway. Assignments. Wow, they're tough. I didn't do too well with them to be completely honest, this year I need to buckle down and try my hardest for sure. I'm determined though, I know what I need to do. 

One of the biggest changes for me though has been starting slimming world with my dad over the summer. My eating habits are so different now, I stick to the plan so well and make sure I never over eat the things I shouldn't. I've lost 1st6lbs in 13 weeks now. It would have been more but in the middle of that time I stopped losing a lot, at most it was 1/2lb per week, which is alright in general but at slimming world people lose 2 or 3 lbs a week at least usually. So when I only lost half a pound a week for a month I knew there was something wrong because I was sticking to the plan everyday. Turns out I have an underactive thyroid, the same thing my dad has. To regulate it I need to take tablets everyday, and in the first few weeks I lost 7lbs. They really kickstarted the bigger losses again. Right now I'm not doing too well, I gained 1lb last week which I know was water weight because I pulled a muscle but I thought I'd lose it again this week plus more, but I know I haven't. Weigh in is tomorrow night so we'll see the damage then! Even though I go back to uni this weekend I'm sticking to slimming world and there's a group down the road from the new house so I'm going to that one instead. It'll be harder without my parents doing it too, especially living with 3 other people who don't do it, but I'll just have to be strong. 

In this past year I've had a lot of stuff to be angry and upset about. I hate myself for so much of the crap that I did, I should've made these changes months ago but I didn't. I carried on doing the things I knew weren't helping but I didn't care, I thought that I needed people who I didn't and I can completely see that now. They're gone and I'm making sure it stays that way because I cannot put up with all of the rubbish they bring anymore. I am so done with that. As horrible as it seems I do feel like this past year was full of mistakes. Big ones. But I need to move on now and enjoy myself. I'm 19 for crying out loud! I should be carefree and happy and this year I want to try that! Yes I have to worry about uni but not all the time, just at the important times when I have lots of work on. That's my goal now, to be happy. Forget the crap about love, or work, or family. Yes I'd like them to all work out but the thing is, if they all go well then I'll be happy anyway. The little things can make my day. A little parcel, a new candle, losing weight, a good lecture. There was one lecture that inspired me so much, my flatmates didn't bother going, I wasn't going to either but I went with another friend. Let me tell you...it was amazing! Seriously, I felt empowered, the sun was shining, my pens were smooth (I like stationary okay.) and I just felt happy. There's that word again. Happy.

I'm pretty excited about my room this year! Candles and fairy lights are allowed now! The yankee candles in my boxes are so ready to be lit, especially for halloween and christmas, but don't worry I'll be careful with them! Fingers crossed my room can be a haven this time, where I spend most of my time. I'm not going to be constantly downstairs with my housemates like last year, I want to sit on my bed and watch the TV I want to upstairs with my blog and my candles. 

Basically right now I'm in a good place. My mind is clear and healthy. I know what I want and what I need to do in order to be happy with myself, and that excites me more than anything. This is going to be my year, I'm going to make sure I surround myself with good thoughts and feelings from now on. I'm done with the heartache and the anger and the falseness. I'm being me now. And I'm ready. Ready to be happy.

MissKgt xoxo

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